This Week, in Limerick: In Sickness and in Health

TrumpHealthFEATURE

Wednesday, September 14

Donald Reneges (Again)
No, we won’t get to see Donald’s labs
When the Donald with Mehmet confabs.
So what will Don share?
What he does to his hair?
Or the secret of his six-pack abs?

Tuesday, September 13

The Road to Oz
A celebrity doctor named Oz
Is in charge of the oohs and the aahs.
We are told he’ll disclose
What’s beneath Donald’s clothes,
Though he won’t reveal any aha’s.

He’s contractually bound to conceal
Anything that is painful or real.
Dr. Oz’s oompah’s,
La-di-da’s and hurrahs—
Well, they’re all just a part of the deal.

Political Science
We are worried ’bout U.S. democracy!
We do not want Islamic theocracy!
But we’re not sure we’d mind—
No, we’re kinda inclined
Toward something like Russian kleptocracy.

Monday, September 12

Sweet Tweet?
Donald tweeted to Hill’ry, “Get well.”
Did he really mean, “Hill, go to hell”?
Did he mean, “Get well soon”?
Or “in many a moon”?
It’s impossible, really, to tell.

Implorables?
Hill called half of Trump’s fans the “deplorables.”
But the other half? Are they “implorables”?
If they jump from Trump’s train,
It will drive him insane,
And then we could call them “adorables.”

Sunday, September 11

Feeling Faint
Oh, Hillary, please don’t get sick!
Right now that would be impolitic!
Please take antibiotics
And if needed narcotics!
Please don’t give that prick even a tick

Upward in those damn, what-the-eff polls.
Say it comes from them burning them coals!
Say it’s allergies, please!
I am down on my knees!
I am wanting for damage controls!

Friday, September 9

Power Over Lauer
Matt Lauer’s Trump’s man of the hour.
When Trump glowers, Matt Lauer does cower.
As Trump noxiously dithers,
Lauer wilts and he withers—
Such a delicate flower, Matt Lauer.

James Waller is Mediander’s “Deadline Limericist.” (Apologies to Calvin Trillin, The Nation’longtime “Deadline Poet” and, in James’s opinion, a much more versatile versifier.)

Photo credit: Sony Pictures Television