This Week, in Limerick: From Russia With Love

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Thursday, July 28

Trump’s Plea
Trump, the apple of Vlad Putin’s eye,
Is inviting the Russians to spy!
“Come and hack us,” he says,
“Help make sure I’m the prez,
And you’ll soon be our strongest ally!”

Never Can Say Goodbye 
I’d like to sit down for some beers
With Obama, clink bottles, say “Cheers!”
And then, after a few,
I’d be feeling quite blue,
And I’d say, “Barry, please. Four more years!”

Wednesday, July 27

Bernie vs. the Bros
Bernie stood with Vermont’s delegation,
And he moved HRC’s acclamation
While he fought back his tears
(And some Bernie Bros’ sneers),
And there followed a loud celebration—

Mrs. Clinton broke through the glass ceiling!
Why, the Liberty Bell should be pealing!
To the love that is brotherly
Let’s add sister- and motherly!
(But some Bros find that thought unappealing.)

Selective Memory
Former President Bill hailed his wife
And detailed his and her married life
But had nothing to say
Of his penchant to stray—
Not one word about marital strife!

Monday, July 25

New Rule
In the future, let one rule prevail
(Its importance let no one assail):
That Hill and her staff
Should use the telegraph,
And never, no never, email.

Sunday, July 24

Not Her Fault
The news breaks on Convention Week eve:
Debbie Wasserman Schultz—she will leave!
Should I giggle or frown
At Ms. Schultz’s comedown?
Will the scandal the Democrats cleave?

Just when everyone’d gotten so cozy!
Bernie, Hillary, Nancy Pelosi—
All were speaking as one,
Everyone havin’ fun.
Suddenly things ain’t lookin’ so rosy.

Quick! Let’s blame the whole thing on the Russian!
It was Putin who caused the concussion.
Debbie isn’t to blame
For the DNC’s shame.
It was Vladimir! End of discussion!

Saturday, July 23

Monolingual Trump
You may think that I’m Pollyannish,
But I’m cheered that Tim Kaine can speak Spanish.
Mr. Kaine, on the stump,
May play better than Trump,
Who speaks just one tongue: Ku Klux Klan-ish.

Friday, July 22

Bland Limerick
I guess I’m OK with Tim Kaine.
I guess I’m OK with Tim Kaine.
For Kaine I say yes,
I am OK, I guess.
I guess I’m OK with Tim Kaine.

James Waller is Mediander’s “Deadline Limericist.” (Apologies to Calvin Trillin, The Nation’longtime “Deadline Poet” and, in James’s opinion, a much more versatile versifier.)

Photo: David Goldman/Associated Press