Thursday, September 22
As we wait for next Monday’s big brawl,
Let us sip pumpkin-spice alcohol,
Say goodbye to the summer
(What a climate-change bummer),
And look fearfully forward to fall.
Pas Très Jolie
It is done. Angelina and Brad
Are not one “Brangelina.” It’s sad.
Now they’re two. Now they’ve split:
Ms. Jolie. Mr. Pitt.
No more Pitt-Jolie hyphen. Too bad.
Wednesday, September 21
Portrait of a Shady Character
It’s no picture of Dorian Gray,
For the Don looks much older today.
Is it art? No, it sucks,
But cost ten thousand bucks.
Don’s foundation was happy to pay.
Tuesday, September 20
While Rome’s burning and his daddy fiddles,
Don Trump Jr. is tweeting ’bout Skittles.
Have too many, you’ll die—
And this rule should apply
To the refugees Junior belittles.
Monday, September 19
Physician, Heal Thyself
The new term for “stoned” is “Jill Steined,”
’Cause Stein’s clearly gone out of her mind.
Prefer Donald to Hill?
Dr. Stein, you are ill!
To a rehab you should be confined!
Sunday, September 18
An Argument Against the Existence of a Caring God, in Three Limericks
Every time there’s a terrorist blast,
I pray God that it will be the last.
But God gives no attention
To explosion prevention.
His indifference is vaster than vast.
And whenever Trump opens his trap,
I pray God will with lightning bolt zap
Mr. Trump in the ass,
But it don’t come to pass—
From the sky there comes no thunderclap.
Is God anywhere in our vicinity?
Hamlet said that there is a divinity
Who shapes all our ends.
But our woes God transcends—
He’s out there . . . somewhere right of infinity.
Friday, September 16
Worse and Worser
Can this dearth of sense get any dearther?
Today Donald denies he’s a birther?
Says that Hillary’s folks
Perpetrated the hoax?
Next up: Donald’s a stalwart flat-earther.
James Waller is Mediander’s “Deadline Limericist.” (Apologies to Calvin Trillin, The Nation’s longtime “Deadline Poet” and, in James’s opinion, a much more versatile versifier.)
Photo credit: Dee Cercone/Everett Collection