This Week, in Limerick: Robbin’ of Lochte

LochteFEATURE

Thursday, August 18

Robbed in Rio
The boys’ story did not make good sense,
And it gave the Brazilians offense.
The four U.S. relayers
Aren’t sportsmanlike players
(Plus, they all seem to be somewhat dense).

Wednesday, August 17

The Shake-up
Now Paul Manafort has been demoted.
Looks like “pivoting” has been swift-boated.
Taking Manafort’s part
Is some guy from Breitbart,
So Trump’s “pivot” will not be refloated.

Tuesday, August 16

Keep Us Safe
Lest we face consequences upsetting,
We must know in advance what we’re getting.
To avoid any risk,
We should question and frisk.
Make Don Trump undergo “extreme vetting”!

Emergency
First responders, go now! Intercede!
Because Rudy’s in terrible need.
He seems disoriented—
Maybe even demented.
To his side 9-1-1 help should speed!

Monday, August 15

Résumé
Paul won’t work for spare change. That’s for chumps.
He likes wads of cash—humongous lumps!
So he works for dictators,
Billionaire bloviators—
He was Putin’s but now he is Trump’s.

Sunday, August 14

Olympic Gold
Are you tired of Donald Trump’s wiles?
Sick of Clinton’s immense email piles?
Though it’s been a long while,
There’s now reason to smile.
Gents and ladies: Here comes Simone Biles!

Saturday, August 13

Rigged
“The election will be a big fraud!
So get ready, folks—time to maraud!”
Says the man who’s a sham,
“It will all be a scam!”
And his followers wildly applaud.

Friday, August 12

Founder of ISIS
For Trump’s mob it was great! Orgiastic!
What Trump said ’bout Obama—fantastic!
But their mood grows depressed—
Donald meant it in jest?
Just like us, they don’t get it. “Sarcastic”?

James Waller is Mediander’s “Deadline Limericist.” (Apologies to Calvin Trillin, The Nation’longtime “Deadline Poet” and, in James’s opinion, a much more versatile versifier.)

Photo: Lee Jin-man/Associated Press