“Think I’ll take two chickens,” says the goth behind me.

“Think I’ll take two chickens,” says the Hound, the bestial bodyguard on-screen.

Shh. I have not read the books. I don’t intend to read the books. And like Jon Snow—my Game of Thrones avatar, according to Buzzfeed—I know nothing. But I like it that way. I don’t have HBO or even a TV, and I don’t intend to get either soon. Yet I have seen every episode of GoT, via more questionable means.